Friday, May 1, 2009

DREAD

Today is my first Taxol treatment, of which I will have 4, every other week. Everyone assures me it's MUCH BETTER than the A/C I lived thru, so here's to hoping........it's the unknown that kills me. I'm so tired of of new terrible things - one after the other after the other. I feel very beaten down after biopsy, surgery, biopsy, surgery, 4 rounds of A/C. It appears that EVERYONE is allergic to Taxol, so your treatment begins with a big dose of Benadryl via your IV, then your Taxol. All the women I speak to love the Benedryl - it makes you pass out for the Taxol treatment. The actual infusion of Taxol takes much longer than the A/C which is a bummer - one friend of mine had an allergic reaction in the middle of the treatment, she started itching like crazy. They stopped the Taxol, tanked her up on more Benedryl, then restarted the Taxol really slowly....New side effects - numb hands and feet - maybe face. Mild to severe bone and muscle pain. Fingernails turning black - although I think my friend said her's turned very yellow? BUT - and this is a big but - not supposed to have the severe nausea - the awful queasy's I've had for so many days in the last 2 months. Supposedly doesn't make your mouth so wretched - my mouth is a mess. And my friend was quite anemic at the end of A/C - like I am now - but it improved with Taxol. PLEASE LET THAT BE TRUE! My energy level is low to non-existant.

I've been so full of dread the last few days I think it's actually worn me down. Even with all the reassurance I've gotten from people, and me not wanting to be fretting over it - it's uncontrollable, your mind just does what it wants. And mine wants to fret, fret, fret....worry over it all the time. I was OK on Tues & Wed, by Thurs I was pretty fretful and by Thursday nite I was DONE - stick a fork in me. Tired, my muscles all bunched up - pretty much a mess. HOPEFULLY it's all for naught!

Gotta go - mo' lata.

9 comments:

  1. Kelly, you'll feel more tired as your treatment moves on. Taxol is a little easier than the others but it's cumulative - remember that you're adding this onto 4 rounds of AC. You'll be more tired, you'll feel worse, your nails might get really sore, etc. I think it seems worse after because it's so many treatments.

    Baby yourself, please. You really are coming down the home stretch. But remember that it takes alot of time to recover from all of this. Pace yourself and try not to get frustrated.

    -Sharon

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  2. I think I've plunged into the chemically induced menapause now. After chemo #2 I was wracked with hot flashes and ovary pain over the weekend and thought "this is it". Then I started my period that Monday. I've been having much more hotflashes the last 5 days or so - and last night after Taxol I had them over and over - head covered in sweat. My husband said "you can go without a hat around me, you really have a nice shaped head. Being bald outside with the cool wind on my head was nice - and weird. Anyhoo - I should have started my period last monday - so this may be the menapause....hold onto your hats people!

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  3. I agree with Sharon, Pace yourself..you are doing a great job and inspiring others at the way you are tackling all the issues at hand. Sending you many honks from my yellow cab wishing you nothing but great times ahead....you certainly deserve it !! My prayers are with ya.

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  4. I'm honking with Mr. Taxi, and praying, and thinking of you.

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  5. Hang in there, Kelly. I just added you to my blogroll, Cancer Blog Links at www.beingcancer.net
    Take care, Dennis

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  6. Open invitation to you and your readers to participate in the Being Cancer Book Club. This month we are discussing “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. “...the lecture he gave ... was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.”
    Monday is Book Club day; Tuesday Guest Blog and Friday Cancer News Roundup.
    Also check out Cancer Blog Links containing almost 200 blog links and Cancer Resources with 230 referenced sites, both divided into disease categories.
    Please accept this invitation to join our growing cancer blogging community at www.beingcancer.net
    Take care, Dennis

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  7. OK, Kelly how about an update if you're feeling up to it???

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  8. Hello Kelly - so sorry that you've had to join this sisterhood...I am triple neg too....I hope you go to breastcancer.org - you will find incredible support for all that you are goin through. If I can be of help - please let me know. It sounds like our treatment regimen's are identical...I am older than you and was diagnosed at 51. Sending you love and hugs....

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  9. OK S.F. Heron - thanks for the kick in the butt to make me finally post again! And Thank you Holly - I'm sending you an email here after I get thru my work!

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